


Unseal my lips

by Sevnaria



Series: We are here [6]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Background Relationships, Coming Out, Happy Ending, He's got a secret, Im Changkyun | I.M-centric, M/M, Minhyuk is a great friend, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, Slight mention of No.Mercy, Two Shot, a bit angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-08 11:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19106428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevnaria/pseuds/Sevnaria
Summary: Changkyun has a secret that he's afraid to share with the rest of his members. But Minhyuk is there to pry and Changkyun is getting tired of staying quiet.Why is it so hard to trust people he considers family?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one is going to be a two-shot, it felt right splitting it in two parts.

Changkyun flung his notepad at the wall and bit down on his lower lip to prevent himself from screaming. He clenched his fists and tried to take deep breaths in order to calm down. 

He was sitting on his bed, in the room he shared with Minhyuk. Luckily, the other wasn’t there, Changkyun had the entire dorm to himself at the moment. The others were out taking full advantage of their day off, some were visiting their families and some hung out with friends. Changkyun had wanted to relax at home and maybe get some writing done. The rappers were supposed to show some new lyrics to their coach in a few days and he knew that Jooheon had finished his portion of the lines already. 

Normally, Changkyun wouldn’t have any problems with his rap, the words usually came to him as soon as he had a general idea of what he wanted to say. 

Today however, there had been nothing but problems. The temperature in the room was either too hot or too cold, it took him forever to find a working pen and even the whir of the computer seemed louder than usual. When he finally settled down after turning off the computer and putting on a thin sweatshirt, his mind had gone completely blank. He couldn’t write a single word and didn’t understand why. 

Sure, he’d been increasingly frustrated lately because of... stuff. But that couldn’t be the reason why his brain refused to cooperate right now, could it? 

He laid down and stared up at the ceiling as he thought his situation over. He knew he should tell the members, he knew that they would be okay with it. There was nothing to be afraid of. 

So why did he want to cry whenever he thought about opening up to them? Why did the mere thought of them knowing the truth make him sick to his stomach? 

Of course, deep down he knew exactly why. He could still remember the sneering and taunting he’d endured during his days as a trainee when he’d been exposed by someone he’d considered a friend. Changkyun had done his best to suppress those memories but sometimes they resurfaced in his dreams or whenever he let his guard down too low. He’d never told his members about any of it, he didn’t want them to start asking questions he wasn’t ready to answer. But he knew Minhyuk was onto him, he had once woken Changkyun up from a particularly bad dream and cuddled him as the younger cried. Minhyuk tried to get Changkyun to tell him what he’d dreamt but he hadn’t said anything, he couldn’t. 

But if Changkyun were to ever share his secret, he would probably tell Minhyuk first.There was just something comfortable about his roommate that made Changkyun feel like he could trust the other. 

Just... not yet.

With a heavy sigh, Changkyun retrieved his notebook and left the room to get something to eat. Searching through the cupboards for snacks, he heard the front door opening, followed by murmurs. Changkyun hadn’t realized it had gotten so late that the members were starting to return to the dorm. 

He ventured out of the kitchen to greet whoever was back, only to be met by an unexpected sight that made his stomach churn.

Hyungwon had Hoseok pinned against the wall and their mouths were connected in a way that made Changkyun hope they would soon be heading towards one of their bedrooms. He didn’t know why, but he felt a bit queasy and started inching backwards when Hoseok tilted his head and caught sight of him. He smacked Hyungwon’s arm to get his attention and the other gave up a whine as he drew back his head, following Hoseok’s gaze. 

Changkyun didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t move. So instead, he opted for a smile, which hopefully seemed natural, and gave an awkward wave.

“Welcome back”, he tried to seem indifferent but his voice sounded strained even to him. 

“Yeah, um we’re back”, Hyungwon answered flustered. “Sorry, we didn’t think anyone would be home yet.” 

“I spent the whole day here, so I...”, Changkyun’s voice trailed off as he tried to think of something to say.

“Oh, that’s right”, Hoseok smiled sheepishly. “We forgot about that.” 

“Anyway, I was just gonna tuck in for the night”, Changkyun had regained control over his limbs and took a step back. 

“It’s not even dinner time yet though?” Hoseok questioned. 

“Yeah, well, I ate an early dinner and thought I would catch up on some sleep.”

Changkyun could see that Hoseok wasn’t convinced, but thankfully he refrained from saying anything and so he was able to escape to his room. He really hoped that if they decided to continue whatever they’d been doing before he interrupted, they would be in Hoseok’s room. It was further away from Changkyun’s and practically soundproof, thank god. 

~~~

He should have known he wouldn’t get away with it. Ever since Hyungwon’s incident with the comments, the members were all on high alert when it came to suspicious behaviour of any kind. Apparently, lying about going to bed early was enough to warrant an interrogation.

“So Hyungwon told me you were acting weird the other night?” Minhyuk cut right to the chase as he sat down next to Changkyun on the younger’s bed. 

“What night?” Changkyun feigned ignorance and tried to concentrate on his lyrics, he had managed to write a few sentences that weren’t complete garbage and wanted to keep his flow going. 

“When we had our last day off, him and Hoseok came back first and you saw them making out. Hoseok apparently thought you seemed uncomfortable which led him to think that you are not completely fine with their relationship.”

“What? But I-”

“Which then made Hyungwon really anxious and he wanted me to find out if that was true”, Minhyuk finished and looked at Changkyun with steely eyes.

“It’s not”, Changkyun frantically shook his head. “That was not at all what I thought, I’m okay with them being together. I’m honestly happy for them.”

Minhyuk’s eyes softened and he placed a hand on Changkyun’s back.

“So what was it that bothered you then?”

Changkyun wanted to tell Minhyuk everything in that moment, but something held him back. He could hear the faint sound of the words thrown at him the last time he had told someone. 

“I was just tired,” is what he finally settled on and Minhyuk raised an eyebrow at him.

“You are a terrible liar, just so you know.”

Changkyun swallowed and looked down at the floor.

“I can’t talk about it, not right now.”

Minhyuk stood up then, and Changkyun was afraid that he had made him angry. But the other just smiled and ruffled his hair before he turned to leave the room.

“That’s okay, just know that I’ll be here whenever you feel ready,” Minhyuk said over his shoulder.

Changkyun smiled at the retreating back as the door closed and then sighed. He had taken one step towards opening up, he’d acknowledged that there was something he wanted to talk about eventually and he knew that Minhyuk would remember that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keeping more and more things inside is like begging for an explosion to happen.
> 
> *boom*

He still couldn’t quite believe it. 

Hyungwon and Hoseok’s puppy crushes had been obvious to everyone but themselves, but Kihyun and Hyunwoo? Changkyun had not seen that coming at all, there had been no signs or hints as far as he’d been aware. When Jooheon had suddenly dragged him out of the practice room and told him that him and Minhyuk were trying to get Kihyun and Hyunwoo to spend some time alone, he had first thought it meant platonic, friendly alone time. It wasn’t until later that Changkyun realized that the older had feelings for their leader. 

And when they had talked to Kihyun in the kitchen and he’d started crying, Changkyun wanted nothing more than for the older to be happy. He was afraid for Kihyun when Hyunwoo turned up and the two were left alone to talk. He didn’t know how Hyunwoo would react, if Kihyun even managed to confess his feelings. He just prayed that no one would get their heart broken.

When they all then “accidentally” walked in on Kihyun and Hyunwoo sucking faces, Changkyun had felt relief that it really was a happy ending. But there was an uglier feeling inside him as well, he tried to identify it but he found it hard to pinpoint exactly what is was. He congratulated the couple along with the others before heading straight to bed. He heard Minhyuk coming into the room a few minutes later and feigned sleep when his name was whispered. Thankfully, the other seemed to buy it and soon left the room again.

Changkyun wept then, as realization finally dawned on him. How had he been so incredibly blind to his own feelings. If only he’d understood earlier he might have been able to do something about it. But now it was too late and it turned out his prayer had gone unanswered. Someone had gotten their heart broken after all. 

He had. 

~~~

A few weeks passed and with two couples in the group, the atmosphere in the dorm had changed somewhat. Hoseok and Hyungwon were masters of PDA and would often be found cuddling or kissing wherever. Jooheon had once caught them taking it one step further in the bathroom (”I could have sworn we locked it!”), and after that it was decided that anything beyond kissing were to happen inside bedrooms as to avoid emotional scarring. Hyungwon moved into Hoseok’s room and the rest of them learnt to always knock before entering whenever the two of them were inside. 

Kihyun and Hyunwoo were more discreet, Changkyun had only seen them hug and hold hands a few times when they thought there were alone. Since they had just gotten together, they were still a bit awkward around each other while trying to get used to their new dynamic and it was undeniably adorable. Hyunwoo sometimes slept in Kihyun’s room and Changkyun assumed that’s when they “let loose”, although he preferred not thinking too much about it. 

He hadn’t allowed himself to cry again, not since the night when Kihyun and Hyunwoo got together. He told himself he was nothing but happy for them and tried to drown out any disagreeing thoughts with extra practice or writing lyrics. Well, trying to write lyrics at least. Jooheon had asked him several times if he was okay when he noticed Changkyun growing annoyance whenever they sat down to coordinate their raps. He didn’t know how to tell the older that all his writing had to do with heartache and were made up of sadness and longing. 

In other words, not really what they were going for with their fierce, strong rap. 

During one of these sessions, when Jooheon asked if everything was alright, Changkyun simply told him that nothing was alright and left the room after shoving his stuff into his bag. He could hear the other shouting after him but couldn’t be bothered to care as he practically ran down the hallways.

He soon reached the dorm and walked straight to his room, barely noticing the members in the living room who had their attention on the TV. He dropped his bag on the floor and paced the room while nearly pulling his hair out. He was getting really tired of feeling like this and not being able to talk to anyone about it. The frustration had finally reached his peak and when he heard the faint sound of Minhyuk’s voice through the door he made a decision. Enough of this private pity-party, enough of keeping all this shit inside and enough of waiting for an explosion. 

He almost ripped the door from its hinges when he opened it and stormed off towards the living room. Before turning the corner, he stopped for a second and wanted to go back. His hands were starting to shake and his throat felt dry when he realized what he was about to do. Then he shook his head and reminded himself that the time for cowardice was over. He walked forwards and held his hands together when Minhyuk turned towards him. 

“Hey Minhyuk, can I talk to you for a second?” He said while wringing his hands. 

“Alright”, the older answered and stood up. “Just one question first”, he gestured towards the couch, “what would you call that?”

Changkyun hadn’t even noticed the couple were in the room, he’d been so focused on getting to Minhyuk. Luckily, he and Jooheon had recently discussed their frequent touching and he remembered how the other had phrased it. 

“A display of being disgustingly domestic?” Changkyun suggested without missing a beat. 

”See”, Minhyuk said triumphantly to Hoseok. “Told you you were gross.” 

“Minhyuk”, Changkyun whined and started pulling the other away. He felt like he needed to tell the other as soon as possible, before his mind decided that not opening up might be the better option after all. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming”, Minhyuk sing-songed and followed Changkyun to their room. 

When they got inside, Minhyuk sat down on his bed and Changkyun joined him after a moment of hesitation. He jumped when Minhyuk touched his hands and when the older gently opened his fists he realized that he had been digging his nails into his palms. The sight of the small crescent marks grounded Changkyun and he took a breath before turning to look at Minhyuk. 

“I have something to tell you and I need you not to make jokes or get mad while I do”, he sounded much calmer than he felt and Minhyuk just nodded for him to continue. Knowing the other took it seriously helped Changkyun relax a bit.

“I’ve wanted to talk about it for some time but like I told you before, I wasn’t ready. And I was afraid too”, he felt Minhyuk’s hand slide into his and gave the other a small smile. “But I feel like I can trust you and frankly, I feel like I might explode soon if I don’t tell anyone. So, here we go.”

Changkyun swallowed and decided to cut right to the chase.

“I’m gay.” 

.

.

.

Silence.

Then Changkyun felt a hand on his cheek, wiping at tears that he hadn’t noticed were there. Minhyuk pulled him towards his chest and Changkyun carefully brought his arms around the other. It felt good, crying for the first time in weeks. He tried not to get any snot on Minhyuk’s shirt while the other just held him, still not saying anything.

Changkyun pulled away after a while and laughed as Minhyuk held out a tissue towards him. After Changkyun had blown his nose and cleaned himself up as best he could, Minhyuk cleared his throat and fear immediately returned to the younger.

“Is it the first time you’ve told anyone?” He guessed.

Changkyun tightened his lips and shook his head. Then he told Minhyuk all about his trainee days, how he’d shared his secret with his closest friend and how the latter had spread the word to some of the other trainees. He didn’t want to go into detail but admitted that there had been both verbal and physical bullying for a while right up until No.Mercy 

“I’m so sorry that happened to you”, Minhyuk had started crying some time during Changkyun’s story and grabbed the younger’s hands to offer whatever comfort he could.

“You don’t know how relieved I was when they told me I had a chance at debuting with you guys”, Changkyun’s eyes glistened with unshed tears when he gave Minhyuk a small smile. “Not only because of debuting in itself would be amazing, but because I was going to get away from the hell I was living in. That’s why I didn’t care that much when I wasn’t welcomed in the beginning, it was still better than what I was used to.”

Minhyuk squeezed Changkyun’s hands at the mention of how they had treated the younger at first. He knew they had been in the wrong and behaved really terribly to Changkyun at first. They had all had a period of adjusting to each other after debuting and there had been a lot of apologizing and trust building before they’d gotten to where they were today. Now, they were all as close as brothers, but whenever someone would mention No.Mercy Minhyuk felt a stab inside when remembering how they had behaved towards their maknae.

“Why haven’t you told us before?” He focused on the issue at hand, a little hurt that he’d been kept in the dark.

“I was scared that I’d be kicked out of the group. That you would all be disgusted and angry and not want anything to do with me.” Changkyun sniffled.

“Firstly, we would never have done that, we’re not monsters”, Minhyuk said, upset that the other thought so little of them. “Secondly, why didn’t you say anything after Hyungwon and Hoseok came out? You knew then that all of us were okay with it.” 

Changkyun had expected the question but he hadn’t been able to come up with a good answer. 

“I don’t know, like maybe it was okay for them but not me? I think it was just hard to forget the past and let go of my fears I guess.”

“Well, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I think Hyungwon and Hoseok will practically adopt you when they find out.” 

“Well, before they do, remind me to apologize to them for making them think I disapproved of their relationship, I was just being jealous.” 

Minhyuk’s face filled with a Cheshire grin when he heard that. 

“Oh, a little jealousy you say. Is there perhaps someone you’d like to see yourself in the same position with?” He gave the younger a wink but his face soon filled with worry when the younger gave him a pained smile. 

“There was”, Changkyun confessed, trying not to start crying again, all tears had given him a headache. “But it’s never going to happen now.”

Minhyuk looked confused and Changkyun could tell he was dying to know who but held himself back. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Minhyuk to know, but then again he’d told him everything else. Might as well get it all out in the open while he was at it. 

“I didn’t even realize until we caught them in the kitchen that night.”

Minhyuk couldn’t hide his shock as he let out a gasp. 

“Who, Hyunwoo?” 

Changkyun shook his head.

“Kihyun?”

He nodded this time and a few stray tears slid down his cheek. 

“I’m trying to get over it, but it’s been really hard”, his lips quivered and Minhyuk embraced him once again. “And I can’t tell him, that would ruin everything and he is so happy now.”

Minhyuk didn’t know what to say to that, so they sat silently, arms around each other. They could hear the others mulling about outside, probably discussing dinner or what to watch on the TV. Changkyun was about to fall asleep when the door flew open. 

“Did you really leave me just so you could go home and have a cuddle party without me?” Jooheon asked, annoyed. “I was actually worried about you.” 

He came closer to the bed and noticed Changkyun’s tear-stained cheeks and red eyes. Changkyun was certain he would freak out, but to his credit Jooheon simply joined them on the bed and hugged Changkyun from behind. The younger turned his head to look at him and when their eyes met, Changkyun smiled. 

“I’m gay.” It seemed so much easier this time.

“Oh, okay”, Jooheon actually yawned and then, in a fit of mischief, pressed his lips to Changkyun’s cheek. “Congratulations.” he laughed as the younger blushed. 

“Me too”, Minhyuk whined and when Changkyun turned towards him, he felt the other’s soft lips on his other cheek.

“Stop it”, Changkyun muttered, ignoring his burning cheeks. He nuzzled into Minhyuk’s chest to hide his smile and sighed contentedly. How had he gotten blessed with such good friends?

~~~

Minhyuk had been right, of course. 

When Changkyun came out to the rest of the members later that night, the first thing that came out of Hoseok’s mouth was:

“Our little gayby!” Accompanied by a big hug and a kiss on Changkyun’s forehead because apparently, kisses was part of the deal when telling your friends you were gay. 

He got hugged by all of them and no one questioned why he hadn’t said anything before, not wanting to put any pressure on Changkyun. While hugging Kihyun, Changkyun locked eyes with Minhyuk over Kihyun’s shoulder and saw the older give him a sad smile. Changkyun had made him swear not to tell anyone else about his crush, he would get over it as time went by.

And who knew, he might get a crush on someone else, plenty of fish in the gay sea and all that. He turned his head towards the TV where M! Countdown was on, showing a group performing their new song. 

Yes, he might very well get a crush on someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about the ending but it doesn't mean Changkyun is immediately getting over Kihyun. It's more like Changkyun entertaining the idea of falling in love with someone else.  
> While he is crushing on Kihyun, he also knows that Showki is meant to be^^ 
> 
> The next story will probably be Jooheon's and it might be up by next weekend - maybe before that if I'm feeling inspired. 
> 
> Until then, thank you all for reading, it means the world to me!


End file.
